Francelle’s Life…

Suddenly… sad memories keeps haunting me today.. making me feel very moody.. can’t help but to feel sad.. sometimes i feel that good things will never happen on me.. when i’m expecting some good things to happen.. it usually turn out otherwise.. all I could feel were just disappointments.

I still remember that my granny used to say that I was picked from the rubbish dump when i was still a small kid.. It made me feel that I’m an unwanted kid. I stayed with my granny for a couple of years (She’s like a baby sitter to me while my parents were working.)

I’m always worried that I will ruin important events or when I attend some kinda function..I will be worried that I may become a laughing stock. Very self conscious.. very low confident of myself.

Sometimes, when I look into the mirror, my reflections depicts a thousand words to me. Kinda discouraging.. sometimes i just wish to hide into some black hole and never come out again. =( But I know I cant.. Life still goes on.. I need to earn a living for my family and live on.. I have to be realistic.. and to learn to accept who i am and what am i.. =|

I have also looked back.. I don’t have many true friends. Perhaps I wasn’t true to them? I’m not sure. I do not know who and how to approach when I need friends by my side. Thats because not many of them will approach me to be by their side either. That’s perhaps why I can be a loner sometimes and don’t wish to socialise much.

I’m a person blunt with words and straightforward. Sometimes I say words that hurt others cause I was just too frank with them. But I really do not know how to sweet talk. I just say what comes to my mind. I think sometimes i just hurt them too deep. I realised i’m not caring too. Maybe I was not cared when I was brought up.. thats why I do not know how to be caring towards others. I saw people who have been very kind, considerate and caring. That is when I realised.. I’m such a lousy person. I do not consider how other think or feel. I do not know how to care and concern for another person. I do not know how to be kind towards others.

I wanna change… to be a better person. Learn to be caring, considerate, kind and always be there for my friend. But where are my friends? Well, I guess I gotta start getting them back to my life. I do not wish that when the day I die.. i’m still all alone. Its saddening if that happens. I have to learn to be more cheerful and be positive.

From now onwards, when i look into the mirror, i will tell myself that i will be a better person. I may not have the physical good looks, but the most important thing that I must have..is the inner good characters that I need to possess. Otherwise, life will be meaningless without my family or friends or even my sunshine. =)

Yeah. I will be a better person.. be positive and looking forward to each and every day.. Each day is a new begining. There’s always ups and downs in life. I’m probably on the down side.. but one fine day i’ll be moving upwards again and will be able to see sunshine again. =D

Dear friends, pardon me for being such a lousy friend to you all. I have learnt my mistake. Give me some time.. I will be more receptive and be more open towards all of you out there. I will always remember… Friendships are ships that will never sink. *^_^*

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 29th, 2006 at 3:38 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.